One of the great gifts of studying and practicing Mussar is that it provides a lens through which to see more dimensions of what is showing up in our everyday experience.
I've been planning an epic 5-day, ~60 mile hiking trek in rural Japan for the past 9 months. On the day we arrived to begin our hike, I tripped and injured my foot in the train station. The pain was so intense I blacked out momentarily, and my foot quickly became too swollen to fit in my shoe. I could barely limp, let alone contemplate an intense hike. But thank G-d for Mussar, because my reaction was that this was the perfect test of my patience, acceptance, and self-honor, all middot I've been working on. I was in a gorgeous place, staying in a lovely hotel, and if all I could do is enjoy Japanese food, that was enough. Before I started studying Mussar, I can't even imagine how devastated I would have felt. By some miracle, the swelling decreased while I slept so I could wear my hiking boots, and the pain was minimal enough that I decided to try hiking. I was a little slow at first, but I was able to complete the entire trek.
Like most everyone, I work a lot on patience. Recent challenges have included being interrupted by someone and feeling I’d lose my thread if I waited, as well as being slowed down by traffic while driving to an appointment I originally had time to get to. Patience in both cases initially meant a negative middah, pulling back from the focus and effort (and pleasure) I was devoting to speaking or driving, then tamping down frustration and potentially irritation at other people. But this negation required also a shift to new positive emotion and thought. With some success, I applied positive patience in the car, a feeling of rest or peace even though I was probably going to be late (I was thinking of peace in terms of shleimut, wholeness, that things would be o.k.). In the other case I applied a separate middah, enthusiasm, actively listening to what the other person had to say (with some humility that what I was saying wasn’t necessarily important).
I really appreciate the emphasis on discernment (tevunah), as a practice of seeing exactly how I can use a middah in a given situation and of recognizing which specific emotions and thoughts are called for, in addition to the moment of negation. Attaining discernment seems indeed the fundamental challenge in practicing Mussar.
Recent situations? Daily. Last week, my sister went in for a procedure that was supposed to take 30 minutes and turned into a 3 hour surgery. I felt as though, through those 24 hours, I had an opportunity to work on every middah on the list. Patience with hospital staff, compassion for my sister who ended up in a boatload of pain she wasn't expecting, gratitude for the doctors who met the unexpected with grace and skill, fear for her life and awe that it all worked out.
This is one reason to honor a timeout, to find balance. I’m forever finding situations that require a return to equanimity, yet love that the exercise to be flexible a great reward.
I've been planning an epic 5-day, ~60 mile hiking trek in rural Japan for the past 9 months. On the day we arrived to begin our hike, I tripped and injured my foot in the train station. The pain was so intense I blacked out momentarily, and my foot quickly became too swollen to fit in my shoe. I could barely limp, let alone contemplate an intense hike. But thank G-d for Mussar, because my reaction was that this was the perfect test of my patience, acceptance, and self-honor, all middot I've been working on. I was in a gorgeous place, staying in a lovely hotel, and if all I could do is enjoy Japanese food, that was enough. Before I started studying Mussar, I can't even imagine how devastated I would have felt. By some miracle, the swelling decreased while I slept so I could wear my hiking boots, and the pain was minimal enough that I decided to try hiking. I was a little slow at first, but I was able to complete the entire trek.
Like most everyone, I work a lot on patience. Recent challenges have included being interrupted by someone and feeling I’d lose my thread if I waited, as well as being slowed down by traffic while driving to an appointment I originally had time to get to. Patience in both cases initially meant a negative middah, pulling back from the focus and effort (and pleasure) I was devoting to speaking or driving, then tamping down frustration and potentially irritation at other people. But this negation required also a shift to new positive emotion and thought. With some success, I applied positive patience in the car, a feeling of rest or peace even though I was probably going to be late (I was thinking of peace in terms of shleimut, wholeness, that things would be o.k.). In the other case I applied a separate middah, enthusiasm, actively listening to what the other person had to say (with some humility that what I was saying wasn’t necessarily important).
I really appreciate the emphasis on discernment (tevunah), as a practice of seeing exactly how I can use a middah in a given situation and of recognizing which specific emotions and thoughts are called for, in addition to the moment of negation. Attaining discernment seems indeed the fundamental challenge in practicing Mussar.
Recent situations? Daily. Last week, my sister went in for a procedure that was supposed to take 30 minutes and turned into a 3 hour surgery. I felt as though, through those 24 hours, I had an opportunity to work on every middah on the list. Patience with hospital staff, compassion for my sister who ended up in a boatload of pain she wasn't expecting, gratitude for the doctors who met the unexpected with grace and skill, fear for her life and awe that it all worked out.
This is one reason to honor a timeout, to find balance. I’m forever finding situations that require a return to equanimity, yet love that the exercise to be flexible a great reward.