Well, I really think it's probably a good idea for me to talk about the dinner I was at the other night. I was at a lovely dinner party and somehow politics came up and the man hosting the party,who was absolutely lovely, said he was in support of Trump. We changed the subject because his wife insisted.
I really wish I was able to sit there and ask questions about the things I'm concerned about and try to understand why he wasn't concerned about the same things and better yet, understand his perspective.
I think he would've been open to that had we been one on one and I noticed that moment of curiosity softened me and now that I am thinking about it,,gives me hope.
Curiosity is a wonderful middah because it unlocks learning. It might not lead to agreement or approval, but when you are in the company of lovely people that you enjoy and there is a subject where you differ completely, isn’t that interesting?! There is something to learn. And, as Pirkei Avot says, “Who is wise? The one who learns from EVERY person!”
Let’s remember that there is a reason that Judaism always preserves the minority opinion. Different does not necessarily mean wrong, but only different.
I am reminded by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks in one of his commentaries from Yitro- the "Politics of Religion" that the covenant with G-d set moral limits to the exercise of power. Any king (or president) whose behavior was contrary to the Torah could (and should) be challenged. Regardless of what news source, the behavior of American's current president and those who support and encourage him, will be seen in a negative light when time has passed and the history books are written.
This week parsha Mishpatim, when discussing civil law reminds us that there is no separation of church and state in Judaism in and out of the court room as it is seen that all ares of life are intertwined and holiness derives from hallachically correct business dealings
Temple book club is reading Man's Search for Meaning this month and I am reminded of what the citizens of the town where Victor Frankl returned after he was rescued by allied troops from the concentration camps. They told him two things that really was so amazing to him: The town's people told him, "We didn't know what was going on. We had a hard time too."
Thank you, Libby. I know the Torah wants political power to be intertwined with religion, and far be it from me to criticize the Torah (!!), but I have to say that my experience has been that religiously motivated political leadership tends to be extremist and intolerant. Maybe that’s ok in a homogeneous society (though the current rulership in Iran and Afghanistan gives me pause) but in a society that is a multi-ethnic hodgepodge, it is bound to be the religion of the majority, and that has never worked out well for the Jews in the long run (— short run, sometimes). There is a high likelihood that politicized religion will start enforcing “the will of God” as they see it, and the Crusades, the Inquisition, and the repeated expulsion of the Jews is testament.
We all know that blogs are written with an assumption about "no screen on the front door." Anyone can weigh in. So three cheers for the Mussar practice. Your Equanimity showed up just when you needed it to engage across differences. Also Patience and Truth, seems to me.
I love the way you Very respectfully asked about your correspondent's views on Trump's insults to your country.
And God Bless him. He was able to listen to you and be influenced by your opinion. Oh, if we could only bottle this! So yes, I am cautiously hopeful!
Looking forward to seeing you when you swing through Maryland.
Cautiously hopeful is probably warranted. There are enough negative signals still showing up to cancel any great optimism, especially in the short term, but there are other signs as well. As I have been speaking about my new book, I have seen more openness to consider deepening Jewish practice than I might have expected. It may be that people are looking for sources of strength and stability. Yes, hope to see you in Maryland, either Owings Mills or Kensington. Something in Baltimore is under discussion, too.
We learn to our sorrow that people can speak beautifully, respectfully -- talk the talk -- but do terrible things. Conversely, can someone whose "brand" is disrespect do respectful things? If you're an insult comic, say Don Rickles, probably. The president of a superpower (as with, e.g, a rabbi) must be held to a higher standard, for he sets an example. Our roles matter. Disparaging veterans, the disabled, gay people, minorities (Jews amidst rising white nationalist rhetoric most frighteningly included) -- these are messages and if not taken seriously, well, history teaches us things.
I admire both of you for engaging. I will add: speaking with 100% confidence does not equal in any way speaking truth, as any ex-cult member will tell you! Though it gets harder and harder to step outside of our "silos" we owe it to our communities and ourselves to fact-check carefully. For myself, beyond any news media, the facts are here and now in my community: seeing and hearing people beaten and taken to unreachable facilities, without warning or due process. You can believe in immigration reform (yes, I do!) and still find this 100% unacceptable.
Hi Carol. I have no argument, but rather a different focus. Citizens and voters (or synagogue members) can decide what standards they want to assert for their leader. My issue is more: how do we talk to one another when we are already opposed to each other’s ideas? And more to the point: How do I interact with someone whose ideas are repugnant to me? There are two options that I don’t see to be my first choice (even if they might be my first instinct): yell at them, or turn my back and walk away. Then what?
MAGA at its most fervent checks off the cult boxes for me.
I have hope though don't consider myself an optimist. And want to engage with those I disagree with -- it's a practice requiring constant setting aside of assumptions, negative judgement (to a degree), and plain old keeping my mouth shut and listening.
Listening is crucial, Carol. Even if you oppose someone, their ideas or their actions, if you don’t listen to them, you have no hope of understanding the bases for their views and conduct. All you have is your assumptions. And especially if you want to present an alternative vision, you had better listen and understand or you are very likely to miss the mark. My book, “With Heart in Mind,” explores Pirke Avot 6:6 which lists the 48 qualities that need to be practiced in order to internalize (“acquire”) Torah. “Study of Torah” comes first. Next is shmi’at ha-ozen, literally meaning “listening ear.” #2 on the list, right after studying the Torah itself!!
In my dreams I have a study partner to go through this book (Pirke Avot by way of With Heart in Mind). In real life I don't have one, nor probably the time, at least at present. An aspiration!
Thank you for this thought-provoking piece. Yes, I am a hopeless Pollyanna and I do think there is hope. But I do not underestimate the difficulty that lies ahead. Our country is so divided, so fixed in our political encampments, that it will be hard to break through for some time. Some of that (not all) is due to a political leader whose very purpose (as he said himself) is ”retribution”. Cruelty and revenge seem to be his point, and the aim of many of his supporters and enablers. But politicians come and go, and I do believe that in our souls, we all want the same basic things - family, security, comfort, and love. How to get there from here is uncharted, but it begins by recognizing most of us are seeking the same things. But I believe (probably long after I am gone) we will come together in some way to chart a path forward.
Good to see your optimism, Howard, muted (or maybe realistic) as it may be. The stance we adopt influences the outcome, much like what they call in science the observer affect. The act of observing a phenomenon affects the phenomenon itself. It’s analogous. Whether we are optimistic or pessimistic has an impact on its own.
I had to go back and reread last week’s post because I didn’t remember anything with which I disagreed or thought might have been from exaggerated evidence. Especially since he agrees with your first premise that Trump is disrespecting Canada, and how what Trump is flippantly describing can be a real threat to Canada’s citizens. Plus, if he’s referencing your comments about vaccines, while the news is all over the place reporting on what is supposedly happening, your statements were based on your experience and expertise.
I’m glad you were able to have this conversation, very much in the way of the Compassionate Listening Project and Appreciative Inquiry. I managed to do the same thing with three different protesters who my organization normally attempts to ignore. When we do this, we find common ground, and there are at least a few-maybe several places-where we must agree to disagree. I sat with one of my legislators who was adamantly opposed to same-sex marriage. Our common ground was that we both believed marriage was important. To shorten the story, at the end of the conversation, he agreed he could support civil unions for same-sex couples. That was 15 years ago - it did give me a glimmer of hope back then.
You said at the end, “I think there is hope.” But hope for what? Our country? I wish I could agree, because with this administration (and not just Trump), I see history from the 1930's repeating itself. I am Jewish living in Pennsylvania where the Jewish governor’s mansion was firebombed on the first night of Passover. I have an immigrant son-in-law (from Morocco) and daughter-in-law (from Vietnam), three bi-racial grandsons, and a post-op transgender daughter. It’s hard to feel hope, regardless of which news source I read, and I do try to read a mix. In the best of times, I hope I live long enough to see an end to this chaotic administration.
However, I love the way you walked us through your process. This is where I can see a glimmer of hope. If 150 million or so Americans could have these conversations the way you described yours, that would be huge. I'd even settle for a 100 million. Braver Angels here in the United States has tried this, but they cannot get people from the far left and far right to join in, and it feels like that’s where too many people are.
Thank you, Alanna. I have nothing to add. You’ve responded as I hoped people would, by looking at your own experiences and pointing to the real difficulties, and then asking whether you have hope. One thing all Jewish traditions seem to agree with is that hope is choosing life and despair is the opposite.
Well, I really think it's probably a good idea for me to talk about the dinner I was at the other night. I was at a lovely dinner party and somehow politics came up and the man hosting the party,who was absolutely lovely, said he was in support of Trump. We changed the subject because his wife insisted.
I really wish I was able to sit there and ask questions about the things I'm concerned about and try to understand why he wasn't concerned about the same things and better yet, understand his perspective.
I think he would've been open to that had we been one on one and I noticed that moment of curiosity softened me and now that I am thinking about it,,gives me hope.
Yours in curiosity,
Heather
Curiosity is a wonderful middah because it unlocks learning. It might not lead to agreement or approval, but when you are in the company of lovely people that you enjoy and there is a subject where you differ completely, isn’t that interesting?! There is something to learn. And, as Pirkei Avot says, “Who is wise? The one who learns from EVERY person!”
Let’s remember that there is a reason that Judaism always preserves the minority opinion. Different does not necessarily mean wrong, but only different.
Amen!
I am reminded by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks in one of his commentaries from Yitro- the "Politics of Religion" that the covenant with G-d set moral limits to the exercise of power. Any king (or president) whose behavior was contrary to the Torah could (and should) be challenged. Regardless of what news source, the behavior of American's current president and those who support and encourage him, will be seen in a negative light when time has passed and the history books are written.
This week parsha Mishpatim, when discussing civil law reminds us that there is no separation of church and state in Judaism in and out of the court room as it is seen that all ares of life are intertwined and holiness derives from hallachically correct business dealings
Temple book club is reading Man's Search for Meaning this month and I am reminded of what the citizens of the town where Victor Frankl returned after he was rescued by allied troops from the concentration camps. They told him two things that really was so amazing to him: The town's people told him, "We didn't know what was going on. We had a hard time too."
Thank you, Libby. I know the Torah wants political power to be intertwined with religion, and far be it from me to criticize the Torah (!!), but I have to say that my experience has been that religiously motivated political leadership tends to be extremist and intolerant. Maybe that’s ok in a homogeneous society (though the current rulership in Iran and Afghanistan gives me pause) but in a society that is a multi-ethnic hodgepodge, it is bound to be the religion of the majority, and that has never worked out well for the Jews in the long run (— short run, sometimes). There is a high likelihood that politicized religion will start enforcing “the will of God” as they see it, and the Crusades, the Inquisition, and the repeated expulsion of the Jews is testament.
We all know that blogs are written with an assumption about "no screen on the front door." Anyone can weigh in. So three cheers for the Mussar practice. Your Equanimity showed up just when you needed it to engage across differences. Also Patience and Truth, seems to me.
I love the way you Very respectfully asked about your correspondent's views on Trump's insults to your country.
And God Bless him. He was able to listen to you and be influenced by your opinion. Oh, if we could only bottle this! So yes, I am cautiously hopeful!
Looking forward to seeing you when you swing through Maryland.
Safe travels.
Cautiously hopeful is probably warranted. There are enough negative signals still showing up to cancel any great optimism, especially in the short term, but there are other signs as well. As I have been speaking about my new book, I have seen more openness to consider deepening Jewish practice than I might have expected. It may be that people are looking for sources of strength and stability. Yes, hope to see you in Maryland, either Owings Mills or Kensington. Something in Baltimore is under discussion, too.
Please let me know about any plans for Maryland, or elsewhere in the DC area.
We learn to our sorrow that people can speak beautifully, respectfully -- talk the talk -- but do terrible things. Conversely, can someone whose "brand" is disrespect do respectful things? If you're an insult comic, say Don Rickles, probably. The president of a superpower (as with, e.g, a rabbi) must be held to a higher standard, for he sets an example. Our roles matter. Disparaging veterans, the disabled, gay people, minorities (Jews amidst rising white nationalist rhetoric most frighteningly included) -- these are messages and if not taken seriously, well, history teaches us things.
I admire both of you for engaging. I will add: speaking with 100% confidence does not equal in any way speaking truth, as any ex-cult member will tell you! Though it gets harder and harder to step outside of our "silos" we owe it to our communities and ourselves to fact-check carefully. For myself, beyond any news media, the facts are here and now in my community: seeing and hearing people beaten and taken to unreachable facilities, without warning or due process. You can believe in immigration reform (yes, I do!) and still find this 100% unacceptable.
Hi Carol. I have no argument, but rather a different focus. Citizens and voters (or synagogue members) can decide what standards they want to assert for their leader. My issue is more: how do we talk to one another when we are already opposed to each other’s ideas? And more to the point: How do I interact with someone whose ideas are repugnant to me? There are two options that I don’t see to be my first choice (even if they might be my first instinct): yell at them, or turn my back and walk away. Then what?
You mention cults - have you seen LeavingMAGA.org? That's exactly what it reminds me of.
I was unaware of that organization. Interesting that they are framing MAGA as a cult.
MAGA at its most fervent checks off the cult boxes for me.
I have hope though don't consider myself an optimist. And want to engage with those I disagree with -- it's a practice requiring constant setting aside of assumptions, negative judgement (to a degree), and plain old keeping my mouth shut and listening.
Listening is crucial, Carol. Even if you oppose someone, their ideas or their actions, if you don’t listen to them, you have no hope of understanding the bases for their views and conduct. All you have is your assumptions. And especially if you want to present an alternative vision, you had better listen and understand or you are very likely to miss the mark. My book, “With Heart in Mind,” explores Pirke Avot 6:6 which lists the 48 qualities that need to be practiced in order to internalize (“acquire”) Torah. “Study of Torah” comes first. Next is shmi’at ha-ozen, literally meaning “listening ear.” #2 on the list, right after studying the Torah itself!!
In my dreams I have a study partner to go through this book (Pirke Avot by way of With Heart in Mind). In real life I don't have one, nor probably the time, at least at present. An aspiration!
A study partner is a really valuable thing. If you want some help trying to find one locally, message me directly and I will see if I can help.
Thank you for this thought-provoking piece. Yes, I am a hopeless Pollyanna and I do think there is hope. But I do not underestimate the difficulty that lies ahead. Our country is so divided, so fixed in our political encampments, that it will be hard to break through for some time. Some of that (not all) is due to a political leader whose very purpose (as he said himself) is ”retribution”. Cruelty and revenge seem to be his point, and the aim of many of his supporters and enablers. But politicians come and go, and I do believe that in our souls, we all want the same basic things - family, security, comfort, and love. How to get there from here is uncharted, but it begins by recognizing most of us are seeking the same things. But I believe (probably long after I am gone) we will come together in some way to chart a path forward.
Good to see your optimism, Howard, muted (or maybe realistic) as it may be. The stance we adopt influences the outcome, much like what they call in science the observer affect. The act of observing a phenomenon affects the phenomenon itself. It’s analogous. Whether we are optimistic or pessimistic has an impact on its own.
I had to go back and reread last week’s post because I didn’t remember anything with which I disagreed or thought might have been from exaggerated evidence. Especially since he agrees with your first premise that Trump is disrespecting Canada, and how what Trump is flippantly describing can be a real threat to Canada’s citizens. Plus, if he’s referencing your comments about vaccines, while the news is all over the place reporting on what is supposedly happening, your statements were based on your experience and expertise.
I’m glad you were able to have this conversation, very much in the way of the Compassionate Listening Project and Appreciative Inquiry. I managed to do the same thing with three different protesters who my organization normally attempts to ignore. When we do this, we find common ground, and there are at least a few-maybe several places-where we must agree to disagree. I sat with one of my legislators who was adamantly opposed to same-sex marriage. Our common ground was that we both believed marriage was important. To shorten the story, at the end of the conversation, he agreed he could support civil unions for same-sex couples. That was 15 years ago - it did give me a glimmer of hope back then.
You said at the end, “I think there is hope.” But hope for what? Our country? I wish I could agree, because with this administration (and not just Trump), I see history from the 1930's repeating itself. I am Jewish living in Pennsylvania where the Jewish governor’s mansion was firebombed on the first night of Passover. I have an immigrant son-in-law (from Morocco) and daughter-in-law (from Vietnam), three bi-racial grandsons, and a post-op transgender daughter. It’s hard to feel hope, regardless of which news source I read, and I do try to read a mix. In the best of times, I hope I live long enough to see an end to this chaotic administration.
However, I love the way you walked us through your process. This is where I can see a glimmer of hope. If 150 million or so Americans could have these conversations the way you described yours, that would be huge. I'd even settle for a 100 million. Braver Angels here in the United States has tried this, but they cannot get people from the far left and far right to join in, and it feels like that’s where too many people are.
Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you, Alanna. I have nothing to add. You’ve responded as I hoped people would, by looking at your own experiences and pointing to the real difficulties, and then asking whether you have hope. One thing all Jewish traditions seem to agree with is that hope is choosing life and despair is the opposite.