Dear Alan, thank you for sharing the layers of your spiritual orphancy journey with us. Much like your story, my search for spirituality began in my 20's when I stumbled into Buddhist teachings. And although I found Buddhism compelling, it didn't feel like home to me. So I searched for another 20+ years (in the spiritual wilderness), hopeful for a sense of rootedness. But each path I took felt transient...until I somehow stumbled onto your book, Everyday Holiness. Reading about Mussar gave me a way to enter Judaism through a doorway that felt accessible and safe, so I found the courage to enroll in a class with The Mussar Institute. I needed the courage because I was terrified that I would be "found out" as a Jewish imposter, fake, and phony. I felt so ashamed that I didn't know anything about "being" Jewish: I had never read a word of Torah, never lit Shabbat candles or observe rituals, didn't participate in any Jewish holidays, never recited prayers, didn't have a bat mitzvah, hadn't ever read a Haggadah or learned about Jewish history, and didn't even know if I believed in God. And yet, and yet...somewhere deep down I suppose I knew I might find healing and belonging in a Jewish community--which is exactly what happened over the course of the last five years. During this time I've realized that every spiritual orphan needs the love and guidance of a community...of surrogate mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. These rich and beautiful relationships are teaching me what I never learned in my own home. Now I am slowly growing up and growing whole. Thank you for your wisdom and guidance along the path to holiness.
Very beautiful to accompany you on that journey you have been taking. Your humility and your honesty and your vulnerability makes it possible to continue on the journey, because, as you can imagine even before we have entered anywhere near to that territory, the holy tolerates no falsehood. This is how it has been on the unique journey you have been on, and it is for the same reason that I have no regrets about the wide explorations this spiritual orphan took, propelled by questions that seemed to be alien to the context in which I lived.
I thankyou with deep gratitude for your book, course and writings on the Mussar Way. I am 84 years old living in the north of England, I have been exposed to very minimal religious study and teachings in my life, and consider myself very much a spiritual orphan. I randomly came across Mussar less than four weeks ago and enrolled on your free introductory course, I was staggered and amazed to find that I already have most, if not all the soul traits already within me. I am studying and applying the teachings in your online course, with positive changes and results already manifesting in my day to day life. I believe these teachings are relevant and very important for both Jewish and non-Jewish truth seekers.
God bless you, Ralph. That you are seeking and learning and open to new things at age 84 is an inspiration to all of us. Thank you for sharing with us so we can be inspired by your example.
Was my home HALAKHICALLY Jewish? Yes, definitely. But I agree - there was no spiritual element in it. My great-grandmother apparently quoted the Baal Shem Tov so often that my mother believed he must have been an ancestor of theirs, but I wasn't exposed to anything of a spiritual nature while I was growing up. Great insight. Next, I must honestly ask myself whether I made such a home for my own children. And I confess that there wasn't even much God-language, because I didn't want to impose any kind of beliefs on them. I wanted them to develop their own thoughts.
Gail, the insight that you (like me) are a spiritual orphan can help make sense of choices we made in our lives. It can sound idealistic to want your children to develop thoughts of their own, but that decision would look very different had you been steeped in an appreciation for values that have been honed and upheld by Jews and Jewish communities for centuries. A lot of the "thoughts" that are floating around in our times are surely in the best interests of someone else, not us, and yet people can be influenced to adopt them. It's important to have a trustworthy foundation for our values.
I, too, am a spiritual orphan. I’m in the process of converting to Judaism, and I first encountered your book Everyday Holiness during the Introductory course. I had never been exposed to the kind of thought or guidance you write about — Mussar was only mentioned “in passing” during the Introduction to Judaism — so what I’m learning from your book, and now from this blog, feels exactly like the path I’ve been longing for.
For many years I called myself an atheist; I thought the answers I needed were elsewhere or nowhere. Reading your work and following these posts has given me a sense that I can, as you say, “find my way home.” I’m only at the beginning of building my own “curriculum” to put Mussar into practice, but this blog is already giving me clearer direction and the language to name what I’ve been searching for.
I especially enjoyed reading about your experience of reconnecting with your spiritual lineage and your realization of “coming home.” That resonates deeply with me, since I, too, am searching for a spiritual home and for the guidance that can help me build a rooted and authentic Jewish life.
Thank you for sharing your journey so candidly. It helps people like me feel less alone.
I'm touched by your post, John. I hope you will find a welcoming Jewish spiritual home as I did in the Mussar community. There are many wonderful souls here on the path.
One of my early spiritual teachers was Ram Dass (birth name, Richard Alpert) who would describe himself as “Jewish on his parents’ side” (reflecting his own spiritual orphan-hood!) published a book called “Walking Each Other Home.” We can’t have certainty about a lot of things on the path, except the importance of having each other as companions on the journey. God bless you for being my companion, John.
I feel blessed to have you as my companion on this path. At this stage of my life, your writings and your teaching are especially meaningful to me, and they have triggered something beautiful within me.
I have immense appreciation for the deepening of my Jewish journey through mussar and The Mussar Institute. My early years as a Jew was being surrounded by a love for the Jewish people and for Israel. I grew up in a secular Israeli-American family in New York and we embraced my Israeli roots that were filled with community, shared history, Zionism, and the songs and dances of the pioneers. However, there was no discussion of Torah, God, and the sages of our past. And, so,I felt very unrooted in the States and yearned for a spiritual life. Through mussar, I have expanded my spiritual family through the TMI community, the wisdom of its teachings, and the commitment to live in alignment with my values, and with a more authentic and open heart. Thank you.
It’s so interesting to reflect on that yearning to which you refer, Sharona. The environment we live in presents us with a complete worldview, and yet doubts remain, and the doubts give rise to questions, and the questions to seeking. What that means is that the “complete” worldview we seem to see around us has cracks and fissures, and if we look with probing honesty, we will find curiosity arising about the light that shines through them. AND, it helps a huge amount to have a community. It is almost impossible to stay on a straight path in isolation.
I appreciate your comment, Alan. My daughter told me recently that I seemed to be restless. But I like to think of it as yearning, as you mentioned, with questions, curiosity, and hope as I seek and perhaps manifest the light within the cracks.
I was lucky enough to live in a home where Judaism was our food our celebrations and I went to a Hillel high school,
But rarely did we have conversations about what we were learning and how it affected us personally.
I did have one Rabbi who invited us to his home to discuss Talmud and we would sit at his feet and listen. I remember loving the experience but even there, we did not discuss our inner lives.
We didn't relate the teachings to our experience.
I would say I had an open door to a spiritual life - but I can imagine that having deeper conversations would have opened the door much wider for me.
I feel that my parents made spirituality available to me- and the rituals were a foundation, but we never connected the dots between each other at home.
I'm
Sure I could have done better with this in my home as well.
Heather, you were fortunate to have the inputs and influences you did. But for reasons I'll get to in my next posting, the wider Jewish community did not support us venturing to explore our inner lives. So the door got opened, in a way, but the invitation to enter never came. To be continued!
Yes, I grew up with a strong cultural and family connection with Judaism but no sense of the spiritual possibilities. When I first came to hear you speak about Mussar in a neighbor's living room in 2004, I felt that I had finally found my spiritual home. I am so grateful for what I have learned and the Mussar community I'm blessed to be a part of for the past 20 years. And I was so blessed to be standing with you visiting those graves of the teachers we had been studying. It was, and still is, such a moving experience to claim this lineage and continue to learn and practice and help others learn as well.
We are fortunate to have found each other and, through that, to have rebuilt a Jewish spiritual family for ourselves. You bring so much to this community, Judith, and I am so grateful.
Answering your question with a generalization would not be relevant. My own Mussar rebbe said he would teach Mussar to a non-Jew. It all comes down to the individual.
Dear Alan, thank you for sharing the layers of your spiritual orphancy journey with us. Much like your story, my search for spirituality began in my 20's when I stumbled into Buddhist teachings. And although I found Buddhism compelling, it didn't feel like home to me. So I searched for another 20+ years (in the spiritual wilderness), hopeful for a sense of rootedness. But each path I took felt transient...until I somehow stumbled onto your book, Everyday Holiness. Reading about Mussar gave me a way to enter Judaism through a doorway that felt accessible and safe, so I found the courage to enroll in a class with The Mussar Institute. I needed the courage because I was terrified that I would be "found out" as a Jewish imposter, fake, and phony. I felt so ashamed that I didn't know anything about "being" Jewish: I had never read a word of Torah, never lit Shabbat candles or observe rituals, didn't participate in any Jewish holidays, never recited prayers, didn't have a bat mitzvah, hadn't ever read a Haggadah or learned about Jewish history, and didn't even know if I believed in God. And yet, and yet...somewhere deep down I suppose I knew I might find healing and belonging in a Jewish community--which is exactly what happened over the course of the last five years. During this time I've realized that every spiritual orphan needs the love and guidance of a community...of surrogate mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. These rich and beautiful relationships are teaching me what I never learned in my own home. Now I am slowly growing up and growing whole. Thank you for your wisdom and guidance along the path to holiness.
Very beautiful to accompany you on that journey you have been taking. Your humility and your honesty and your vulnerability makes it possible to continue on the journey, because, as you can imagine even before we have entered anywhere near to that territory, the holy tolerates no falsehood. This is how it has been on the unique journey you have been on, and it is for the same reason that I have no regrets about the wide explorations this spiritual orphan took, propelled by questions that seemed to be alien to the context in which I lived.
I thankyou with deep gratitude for your book, course and writings on the Mussar Way. I am 84 years old living in the north of England, I have been exposed to very minimal religious study and teachings in my life, and consider myself very much a spiritual orphan. I randomly came across Mussar less than four weeks ago and enrolled on your free introductory course, I was staggered and amazed to find that I already have most, if not all the soul traits already within me. I am studying and applying the teachings in your online course, with positive changes and results already manifesting in my day to day life. I believe these teachings are relevant and very important for both Jewish and non-Jewish truth seekers.
God bless you, Ralph. That you are seeking and learning and open to new things at age 84 is an inspiration to all of us. Thank you for sharing with us so we can be inspired by your example.
Was my home HALAKHICALLY Jewish? Yes, definitely. But I agree - there was no spiritual element in it. My great-grandmother apparently quoted the Baal Shem Tov so often that my mother believed he must have been an ancestor of theirs, but I wasn't exposed to anything of a spiritual nature while I was growing up. Great insight. Next, I must honestly ask myself whether I made such a home for my own children. And I confess that there wasn't even much God-language, because I didn't want to impose any kind of beliefs on them. I wanted them to develop their own thoughts.
Gail, the insight that you (like me) are a spiritual orphan can help make sense of choices we made in our lives. It can sound idealistic to want your children to develop thoughts of their own, but that decision would look very different had you been steeped in an appreciation for values that have been honed and upheld by Jews and Jewish communities for centuries. A lot of the "thoughts" that are floating around in our times are surely in the best interests of someone else, not us, and yet people can be influenced to adopt them. It's important to have a trustworthy foundation for our values.
I absolutely inculcated them with Jewish VALUES. Consciously. Just not the spirituality you were talking about before.
I think we share a similar experience... nice to see I'm in good company
Dear Alan,
I, too, am a spiritual orphan. I’m in the process of converting to Judaism, and I first encountered your book Everyday Holiness during the Introductory course. I had never been exposed to the kind of thought or guidance you write about — Mussar was only mentioned “in passing” during the Introduction to Judaism — so what I’m learning from your book, and now from this blog, feels exactly like the path I’ve been longing for.
For many years I called myself an atheist; I thought the answers I needed were elsewhere or nowhere. Reading your work and following these posts has given me a sense that I can, as you say, “find my way home.” I’m only at the beginning of building my own “curriculum” to put Mussar into practice, but this blog is already giving me clearer direction and the language to name what I’ve been searching for.
I especially enjoyed reading about your experience of reconnecting with your spiritual lineage and your realization of “coming home.” That resonates deeply with me, since I, too, am searching for a spiritual home and for the guidance that can help me build a rooted and authentic Jewish life.
Thank you for sharing your journey so candidly. It helps people like me feel less alone.
John
I'm touched by your post, John. I hope you will find a welcoming Jewish spiritual home as I did in the Mussar community. There are many wonderful souls here on the path.
One of my early spiritual teachers was Ram Dass (birth name, Richard Alpert) who would describe himself as “Jewish on his parents’ side” (reflecting his own spiritual orphan-hood!) published a book called “Walking Each Other Home.” We can’t have certainty about a lot of things on the path, except the importance of having each other as companions on the journey. God bless you for being my companion, John.
Alan,
I feel blessed to have you as my companion on this path. At this stage of my life, your writings and your teaching are especially meaningful to me, and they have triggered something beautiful within me.
With eternal gratitude,
John
I have immense appreciation for the deepening of my Jewish journey through mussar and The Mussar Institute. My early years as a Jew was being surrounded by a love for the Jewish people and for Israel. I grew up in a secular Israeli-American family in New York and we embraced my Israeli roots that were filled with community, shared history, Zionism, and the songs and dances of the pioneers. However, there was no discussion of Torah, God, and the sages of our past. And, so,I felt very unrooted in the States and yearned for a spiritual life. Through mussar, I have expanded my spiritual family through the TMI community, the wisdom of its teachings, and the commitment to live in alignment with my values, and with a more authentic and open heart. Thank you.
It’s so interesting to reflect on that yearning to which you refer, Sharona. The environment we live in presents us with a complete worldview, and yet doubts remain, and the doubts give rise to questions, and the questions to seeking. What that means is that the “complete” worldview we seem to see around us has cracks and fissures, and if we look with probing honesty, we will find curiosity arising about the light that shines through them. AND, it helps a huge amount to have a community. It is almost impossible to stay on a straight path in isolation.
I appreciate your comment, Alan. My daughter told me recently that I seemed to be restless. But I like to think of it as yearning, as you mentioned, with questions, curiosity, and hope as I seek and perhaps manifest the light within the cracks.
My inclination is to wish for you that you find what you seek, but that’s not really what I feel. More true is: may you keep yearning!!
I was lucky enough to live in a home where Judaism was our food our celebrations and I went to a Hillel high school,
But rarely did we have conversations about what we were learning and how it affected us personally.
I did have one Rabbi who invited us to his home to discuss Talmud and we would sit at his feet and listen. I remember loving the experience but even there, we did not discuss our inner lives.
We didn't relate the teachings to our experience.
I would say I had an open door to a spiritual life - but I can imagine that having deeper conversations would have opened the door much wider for me.
I feel that my parents made spirituality available to me- and the rituals were a foundation, but we never connected the dots between each other at home.
I'm
Sure I could have done better with this in my home as well.
Heather, you were fortunate to have the inputs and influences you did. But for reasons I'll get to in my next posting, the wider Jewish community did not support us venturing to explore our inner lives. So the door got opened, in a way, but the invitation to enter never came. To be continued!
Yes, I grew up with a strong cultural and family connection with Judaism but no sense of the spiritual possibilities. When I first came to hear you speak about Mussar in a neighbor's living room in 2004, I felt that I had finally found my spiritual home. I am so grateful for what I have learned and the Mussar community I'm blessed to be a part of for the past 20 years. And I was so blessed to be standing with you visiting those graves of the teachers we had been studying. It was, and still is, such a moving experience to claim this lineage and continue to learn and practice and help others learn as well.
We are fortunate to have found each other and, through that, to have rebuilt a Jewish spiritual family for ourselves. You bring so much to this community, Judith, and I am so grateful.
What does Mussar accomplish if there is no corresponding process of, or search for, recommitment to Torah and Mitzvot?
Answering your question with a generalization would not be relevant. My own Mussar rebbe said he would teach Mussar to a non-Jew. It all comes down to the individual.