Chanukah took over for much of the last two weeks, and no sooner did the last candle of the fully lit menorah splutter out than I found myself plunged back into the darkness the festival is meant to help us rise beyond.
This concept of tests and trials comes up for me most often when I am confronted with a middah that I thought was well balanced in my life. No sooner do I start taking my comfort with that middah for granted that a situation arises to test it---often leading me more in the direction of failure than success. It is then that I know I must put that middah back onto my personal curriculum and exercise more strength immediately in the situation that is facing me at the moment.
I mention Abraham in the post and I wonder if he went through the same thing as you are describing, Sharon. We know that he went through ten tests, but maybe after 7 or 8, he was saying to himself, “Well, I’ve got gevurah under control now,” only to be tested once again! We seek comfort and with that comes complacency, the opposite of growth!
Dear Alan, Thank you for the challenge not to judge another person's challenges. (Yet/But), as a mother of two, a retired classroom teacher, and Guardian ad Litem volunteer for children in the foster care system, I have personally seen many, many times the impact on the children of the adults who failed their "test". This impact, on the children, becomes part of the child's "test" not to repeat the failure going onward. G-d help us when we fail to help ourselves.
When Jacob was preparing to encounter his brother Esau and had every reason to expect trouble from him, he sent gifts, took defensive actions, and prayed. That’s a good model for dealing with our own tests. Yes, pray for God’s help (as you say, Libby) but at the same time do what you can proactively as well as defensively to increase the chances of a successful outcome.
Yes, I know the three things Jacob did to prepare to face Esau. The gifts, the prostration, and the prayer, but what he also did was to remove his family as far as he could from the initial interaction. What do I learn from this? I learn that when meeting a potential enemy that I should prepare myself for battle while at the same time praying that G-d will provide according to His will. I am not sure this scenario works with the situation which with we are currently wrestling. I could be wrong. I might not have the insight into life that you do. I acknowledge that.
Libby, I don’t think those 3 strategies in particular will fit every situation, but the general principle is that in addressing a problem, it is wise to employ multiple initiatives in different realms. That diversity increases the likelihood of success and spreads the risk.
Thanks for this post, Alan. I'm particularly encouraged by your comment from Rambam "the purpose of test is to reveal a person’s dormant abilities." If I can remember this, then the tests might not feel as devistating.
Also, as one of those smartphone addicts who recently experimented with turning my phone off for Shabbat, I'm happy to report that I consider the experiment a success. It was a success in that, although it was difficult for me to turn it off, as soon as I did turn it off I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders and I felt a sense of freedom. There were some challenges throughout the night and day where I was tempted to turn it on, but didn't, and felt myself getting stronger and more free. I was first able to do this because I was in the very safe/loving/supportive environment of the Mussar Kallah. It felt so good that I was willing to trying it again the next week when I got home! This has resulted, for me, in a whole new relationship with the middah of Bitachon/Trust. I'm so grateful for this lesson.
The essential strength needed to control use of the phone and shut it down at will is trust / bitachon, just as you say, Judith. If we want Shabbat to bring holiness into our lives, we have to create a vessel to contain it (a kli kibul). The phone is a pipeline that breaches the vessel and opens it up to receive all sorts of contents that are very remote from holiness. We do ourselves a disservice.
Yes, indeed, that’s the truth and the ideal. The problem I have is that in the midst of a test, I’m often very emotional in one way or another, and that clouds my vision. I can’t get to gratitude if I’m wrapped up in the intense feelings and thoughts of the moment. But I’d like to get there. A test is a teacher and I would love to receive that teacher with a bow and words of welcome — and gratitude for helping me grow.
Agreed, it can be a challenge and hard to remember in the moment!
It's definitely a practice. I try to remember to breathe and center myself first, feel what is going in my body and what it is telling me and go from there. It's often easier in retrospect. If I am able to see what I learned or what unexpected positives came out of it .This helps remind me for next time. I have had traumatic experiences in life that inadvertently shaped future positivity.
Sometimes I survey an audience and ask “Who here thinks that life is not challenging?” You know what? No one ever agrees, not one person. Life is challenging and that is essential to the design. That’s the grit that refines us.
I think it's fascinating when the tests come. I agree with Libby. When we think i have jumped a hurdle and worked hard on a middah, sure enough when I least expect it, I get a test to match the accomplishment.
It think my path is saying-
"Hahah- not so fast Heather,
It may not be time to celebrate.
Let's make sure this change is really here to stay. Also- don't puff up with your ego- stay humble in achievement.
It's all so incredibly interesting . IF I am paying attention to the twists and turns of my inner life. When I am aware - it's is like you say Alan, surfing a wave. I need to stay nimble to not fall off.
But the lessons on that fall are rich if I don't judge them.
Objective observation is rich, and I see I am getting a little better at it.
Nice comment, Heather. I was in Toronto a couple of days ago and the freezing weather made for very icy sidewalks. If I kept my mind focused on each step as I made it, I stayed upright and kept progressing in the direction I was going. And if my mind wandered and went elsewhere, I ended up flat on my back. Each step was a test of my focus and concentration, and the feedback was instantaneous!!
This concept of tests and trials comes up for me most often when I am confronted with a middah that I thought was well balanced in my life. No sooner do I start taking my comfort with that middah for granted that a situation arises to test it---often leading me more in the direction of failure than success. It is then that I know I must put that middah back onto my personal curriculum and exercise more strength immediately in the situation that is facing me at the moment.
I mention Abraham in the post and I wonder if he went through the same thing as you are describing, Sharon. We know that he went through ten tests, but maybe after 7 or 8, he was saying to himself, “Well, I’ve got gevurah under control now,” only to be tested once again! We seek comfort and with that comes complacency, the opposite of growth!
Dear Alan, Thank you for the challenge not to judge another person's challenges. (Yet/But), as a mother of two, a retired classroom teacher, and Guardian ad Litem volunteer for children in the foster care system, I have personally seen many, many times the impact on the children of the adults who failed their "test". This impact, on the children, becomes part of the child's "test" not to repeat the failure going onward. G-d help us when we fail to help ourselves.
When Jacob was preparing to encounter his brother Esau and had every reason to expect trouble from him, he sent gifts, took defensive actions, and prayed. That’s a good model for dealing with our own tests. Yes, pray for God’s help (as you say, Libby) but at the same time do what you can proactively as well as defensively to increase the chances of a successful outcome.
Dear Alan,
Yes, I know the three things Jacob did to prepare to face Esau. The gifts, the prostration, and the prayer, but what he also did was to remove his family as far as he could from the initial interaction. What do I learn from this? I learn that when meeting a potential enemy that I should prepare myself for battle while at the same time praying that G-d will provide according to His will. I am not sure this scenario works with the situation which with we are currently wrestling. I could be wrong. I might not have the insight into life that you do. I acknowledge that.
Libby, I don’t think those 3 strategies in particular will fit every situation, but the general principle is that in addressing a problem, it is wise to employ multiple initiatives in different realms. That diversity increases the likelihood of success and spreads the risk.
Thanks for this post, Alan. I'm particularly encouraged by your comment from Rambam "the purpose of test is to reveal a person’s dormant abilities." If I can remember this, then the tests might not feel as devistating.
Also, as one of those smartphone addicts who recently experimented with turning my phone off for Shabbat, I'm happy to report that I consider the experiment a success. It was a success in that, although it was difficult for me to turn it off, as soon as I did turn it off I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders and I felt a sense of freedom. There were some challenges throughout the night and day where I was tempted to turn it on, but didn't, and felt myself getting stronger and more free. I was first able to do this because I was in the very safe/loving/supportive environment of the Mussar Kallah. It felt so good that I was willing to trying it again the next week when I got home! This has resulted, for me, in a whole new relationship with the middah of Bitachon/Trust. I'm so grateful for this lesson.
The essential strength needed to control use of the phone and shut it down at will is trust / bitachon, just as you say, Judith. If we want Shabbat to bring holiness into our lives, we have to create a vessel to contain it (a kli kibul). The phone is a pipeline that breaches the vessel and opens it up to receive all sorts of contents that are very remote from holiness. We do ourselves a disservice.
I aim to look at the test with gratitude. Tests provide opportunities to elevate our souls!
Yes, indeed, that’s the truth and the ideal. The problem I have is that in the midst of a test, I’m often very emotional in one way or another, and that clouds my vision. I can’t get to gratitude if I’m wrapped up in the intense feelings and thoughts of the moment. But I’d like to get there. A test is a teacher and I would love to receive that teacher with a bow and words of welcome — and gratitude for helping me grow.
All test come with a pause button, We must remember to use it!
👍
Agreed, it can be a challenge and hard to remember in the moment!
It's definitely a practice. I try to remember to breathe and center myself first, feel what is going in my body and what it is telling me and go from there. It's often easier in retrospect. If I am able to see what I learned or what unexpected positives came out of it .This helps remind me for next time. I have had traumatic experiences in life that inadvertently shaped future positivity.
Sometimes I survey an audience and ask “Who here thinks that life is not challenging?” You know what? No one ever agrees, not one person. Life is challenging and that is essential to the design. That’s the grit that refines us.
I think it's fascinating when the tests come. I agree with Libby. When we think i have jumped a hurdle and worked hard on a middah, sure enough when I least expect it, I get a test to match the accomplishment.
It think my path is saying-
"Hahah- not so fast Heather,
It may not be time to celebrate.
Let's make sure this change is really here to stay. Also- don't puff up with your ego- stay humble in achievement.
It's all so incredibly interesting . IF I am paying attention to the twists and turns of my inner life. When I am aware - it's is like you say Alan, surfing a wave. I need to stay nimble to not fall off.
But the lessons on that fall are rich if I don't judge them.
Objective observation is rich, and I see I am getting a little better at it.
Thank you for inspiring me with your post.
We are in this together!
Nice comment, Heather. I was in Toronto a couple of days ago and the freezing weather made for very icy sidewalks. If I kept my mind focused on each step as I made it, I stayed upright and kept progressing in the direction I was going. And if my mind wandered and went elsewhere, I ended up flat on my back. Each step was a test of my focus and concentration, and the feedback was instantaneous!!
Oops - it was Sharon's comment that I was referring to-